Episode 21 - Don’t Get Too Happy: Why We Sabotage the Good Stuff
Episode 21 - Don’t Get Too Happy: Why We Sabotage the Good Stuff
Listen to the “Life After Fear: Redefine Your Limits” Podcast, Episode 21
Let’s explore a peculiar yet prevalent fear: the fear of happiness. While it may sound counterintuitive, many people experience this fear, often manifesting as sabotaging positive experiences, downplaying achievements, or bracing for potential disaster whenever something good occurs.
Understanding the Fear of Happiness
The fear of happiness, known as cherophobia, is not about disliking happiness but rather feeling unsafe in its presence. Individuals dealing with this fear might avoid joyful and pleasurable experiences, anticipating that joy will be succeeded by pain, loss, or disappointment.
Consider the scenario of receiving a promotion at work. Instead of celebrating, you may become consumed by thoughts like, "What if I fail?" or "What if people think I don't deserve it?" This is a common experience. Research in the Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology reveals that many people associate happiness with vulnerability or loss, viewing it as an invitation to tempt fate.
While this fear has downsides, such as limiting one's ability to feel connected and satisfied, it also has "benefits.” Avoiding excessive happiness creates a sense of control; by avoiding excessive happiness, one skirts the risk of disappointment and maintains a protective barrier against potential pain from past experiences.
Causes of Happiness and Fear
Reasons for fearing happiness vary. Perhaps you've been taught that happiness inevitably leads to a downfall, a concept known as the fear of falling. Survivor's guilt might make you question why you deserve happiness while others suffer. You may struggle with Imposter syndrome or have past traumas that cause your nervous system to equate peace with danger.
Consider the example of a friend who canceled a much-anticipated family vacation due to anxiety over potential mishaps, or another who avoided adopting a pet for fear of eventual heartbreak. These instances illustrate how cherophobia robs individuals of happiness by creating an illusion of safety.
Overcoming the Fear
There are several strategies to combat this fear:
Name It: Acknowledge your fear as the first step toward conquering it.
Start Small: Allow yourself to savor one moment each day. Begin with baby steps to build your tolerance for happiness.
Challenge the Narrative: Question your fear-based thoughts. Instead of asking what can go wrong, consider what might go right.
Advanced Strategies
Flip the Fear: Reframe fearful thoughts into empowering statements. For example, turn "If I enjoy this relationship, I'll get hurt" into "If I lean into this happiness, I give myself a chance to experience real connection."
Practice Joy Resilience: Cultivate the ability to remain present during joyful moments. Recognize small joys, savor them for at least 10 seconds, and acknowledge any discomfort to disrupt negative patterns over time.
Talk About It
Discuss these fears with friends, family, or a therapist. You'll be surprised by how many share similar experiences.
Mantras for Support
For flipping fear: "This joy is not a setup, it's a gift."
For joy resilience: "I can feel good without needing to brace for the bad."
Conclusion
Joy and sorrow can coexist. Allowing yourself to experience highs and lows is essential for a fulfilling life. Your challenge this week is to welcome joy whenever it appears—without guilt or fear. Just be present and embrace happy moments.
